The Balance of Eighty Cents

The other day, I made a deposit into my bank account, bringing myself out of the red and into the positive balance of eighty cents. So goes the tumble of life sometimes. Today in LA, $0.80 will cover one ride on a shuttle bus to the Griffith Observatory and a gum ball that costs a quarter. If I wanted to, I could buy a gum ball, blow bubbles all the way up the hill to the observatory, and still have $.05 to spare.

As the saying goes, "Money talks, wealth whispers". The following are my whispers from the inside.

The Balance of Eighty Cents

Eighty cents left in your bank account makes this life you chose unavoidable.

Eighty cents turns the volume up on the tantrums that you throw inside your head, making the dialogue between your head, your heart, and the world feel like emotional water polo.

Eighty cents makes you go through the timeline of your life and turns the volume up on every "thank you" and "you're welcome" you've ever said or heard.

Eighty cents makes you find the actual treasure in your life: the loyalty and royalty of friends who keep you fed and hopeful, joyful and alive, your lover's mouth as the mecca of all beautiful things like kissing and compliments and encouragement that moves mountains.

Eighty cents turns your dog from a little Jack Russel mix into the goofiest unicorn.

Eighty cents turns the grocery checkout into erotica: You catch your breath while you hang in suspense to see if your debit card will let the transaction slide through. Yes you'll remove your card. They make you wait for it...APPROVED. Oh fff- yes yesssss. Relief. Smiling release of your jaw as you exhale. The muscles of your face unlock as the whole moment fills you from the inside out. A single tear of ecstasy rolls down your cheek.

Eighty cents makes you relish in the visions of the future, when you have ten thousand times as much to spare in dollars and you can almost taste the celebration ramen dinner, sushi and sake.

Eighty cents makes you breathe deeply.

Eighty cents shreds the ego and makes you evolve your resistance when it comes to asking for help.

Eighty cents points to the origins of this resistance which includes all remaining issues around being enough, having enough, or pretending to be enough.

Eighty cents puts you on a carousel of anger and self-forgiveness.

Eighty cents left makes you wanna run and hide and also wanna scream out loud at everybody because you wonder if you can actually handle the internal pressure of being mentally rushed by external circumstances and the need to survive this day and age.

Eighty cents makes you craft your cover letters like its a dissertation that your life hinges upon.

Eighty cents makes you shake your head at the $2.95 you spent at the candy store on sour gummy root beer bottles and chocolate covered morsels just to feel luxurious on a budget after working all weekend at a job that immediately fills your heart yet not your bank account right away and you remember the sound of your boots walking around the empty black and white tiled shop (who buys candy from a candy store these days?) and you feel fancy just because it's the cashier's job to make sure you have any sample of your choosing and they use cute little silver tongs to pluck out a piece of cookie dough dipped in yogurt and you commiserate about tough times while at the same time wonder in earnest if they're hiring.

Eighty cents makes you shake your head at the world today.

Eighty cents makes you feel like tiny Mario in Giant World with no mushrooms in sight.

Eighty cents makes you make mantras and sing to yourself in the morning and get driven to tears when you feel the joy of healing yourself for one minute in time.

Eighty cents brings you back to zero, to memories of harder times when you had even less money, less capacity to deal and more emotional drama than ten lifetimes.

Eighty cents makes you look at everything like acorns in the basket of what matters and find wealth in every waking moment.

Eighty cents makes you see every synchronicity the lifelines they actually are.

Eighty cents makes you look into the eyes of every human being you come across wondering what their version of eighty cents is.

Eighty cents makes you realize that delicious chocolate on a plate in the kitchen can make you feel as godly and human as you need to be, no matter what.