Happy Birthday, Deathwish!

Another Layer in Flower Land. colored pencil, fine line ink pen

Respectfully and speaking in good humor, I've been ready to die for years now. In movie scenes where people are being chased by zombies, sharks, or a band of angry goons, I've related most to the character who stays behind, looks back at their crew with eyes brimming with resolve and says, "Leave me--- go on now, GO!" The nod of understanding happens. The swarm falls upon them as they go out swinging.

I have lived many lives, teetered on my edge, only to push past it many times.  My closest friends know that with each birthday that passes,  I've marveled at the fact that I am still here, alive in this container. 

Another solar return has passed and delightfully, this time I find myself no longer running the clock; I'm willing to live my heart out. Every breath is a dance to say "thank you". These days I am peacefully surfing the rolling waves of one unpromised moment after another, apparently more joyfully alive than ever before. I still have toes to wiggle, ribs to tickle, more breath to sip. I have talked myself into waking up enough mornings in a row that the reasons have rubbed off on me.  I have worked on the body, in the body, with the body for the survival of strange times. Entertainment by dharma, karma, calling, and so on, has resulted in a new awareness of Spirit. A deeper intimacy with the way I operate here on earth as an instrument, finely tuned, is an undeniable existence now. 

The thing I hold in this body (accessible to all bodies) is outside the realm of words, yet the language is universal. The translated message is this:  Let the body be a true live wire, a form that is genius enough to open and close to what possesses it and makes it go on. This is love: to sway and swerve as nature asks in a way that's not always pretty or buttery sweet, yet certainly is the raw and gorgeous process of growing up into your life. Then share. Share and shine 'til you drop. Amen.