Ninja Barf Book Club

Have you ever thrown up in public and managed to go completely unnoticed?

If so, please share your story.

To make it more interesting, here are the criteria required for membership into the Ninja Barf Book Club:

1) The circumstance for your sick is unrelated to booze (drunky vomit stories are a dime a dozen)

2) There are three or more people in a 15ft radius of your barf site

3) You must share your story out loud and your story must be approved by existing members

My ninja barf happened three-ish years ago in a plant outside of Intelligentsia in Silver Lake. A girlfriend and I would meet weekly for coffee and life on Fridays. This particular morning we shared a delicious blueberry scone. About ten minutes after she left, a sudden wave of queasiness took over my body. I remember the most remarkable thing being the small window of time I had between the realization of my needing to puke and my actual doing so. With no time to panic and I knowing I didn't want to risk making a mess in front of the hipsters inside while waiting for the bathroom, I turned around, got slightly out of my seat, and did the business in a potted plant behind my chair.

Yikes. That was more violent than I expected.

As I finished I remember opening my eyes, wiping my mouth, and rehearsing what I'd say to anyone who happened to notice. I'd reassure them I was alright. No, thank you, really, I'm alright.

Except when I stood up and sat back down, no one seemed to notice, as if daytime puking in plants was a thing here.

I took another visual scan of the crowd: no embarassed faces pretending to not have seen my moment. Just the usual dogs, sunglasses, chatty computer business as usual. I sat there, a little offended at the lack of concern, then concerned at the lack of interest in a grown woman having a potential something in public. What IF there WAS something really wrong?

Oh the humanity.

Reason unknown. I felt right as rain before and after my unladylike moment. My experience has been that people in this city don't do much when you puke or cry in public. Oh, if you have a sobbing in public story, please share that too.

#barf #unladylike #humanity #life